Here’s a snippet from my new book Yanks in the Outback. I was having a bit of fun with the lunch ladies about their kickin Aussie accents!
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Phony Australian Accents
29 May 1990 Tuesday
I’m amazed at the Australian accent; or any accent for that matter. I guess I’m just lost in my own world where I think everyone should speak the way I do. I have this crazy idea that anyone who speaks with a different accent must be somehow faking it – you can’t really talk that way for real?
I remember hearing the heavy Texas accent down in San Antonio at basic military training. We were cleaning up the dormitory. I asked my fellow recruit – who happened to be from Texas – “Have you mopped the hallway floor?” And, he looked at me with a straight face and in a molasses thick Texas accent said –
“I done did it.”
I responded to him in a very uncreative way – I gave him my best blank stare. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I couldn’t believe someone would answer me that way and be serious. I stood there waiting for him to burst out laughing and tell me he was just kidding around; he really didn’t talk that way; he just wanted to get a reaction out of me. But, as I stood there, my jaw firmly resting on the ground, the laughter never came – he was serious. He “DONE DID” finished mopping the hallway floor! And, he looked at me as if to say, “Can’t you understand plain English?”
The crazy part about this whole episode is I now find myself using that very phrase and I’m also not afraid to kick in a good Yankee attempt at the Texas accent! I love saying it. It reminds me of my basic training buddy from Texas and the big shock I got from his fabulous Texas attitude, phrasing and accent. I can understand why people easily fall into the down home Texas and/or southern USA accent. It’s homey, it’s comfortable, and it’s friendly.
Well, today I ran into some more accent drama – or in my case – trauma! I’m fascinated by the Australian accent because it appears to be an accent you must work at; not one you fall into like the southern accent. And, yet there’s one common denominator – the Australians have the accent down pat! They don’t struggle with it at all. They roll with it; they live in it; they’re the best at it; they’ve got it down! And, it sounds great.
My trauma came in the cafeteria. I entered to get my usual nice hot cup of coffee. But, for some reason, I detoured through the empty chow line to inspect the food on offer for lunch. It was then that I got into a conversation with the lunch ladies.
“Hi Betsy, what’s on the menu today?” I asked.
“Sean, you got eyes, read what’s on the board. Or, if you’re really clever just look through the glass and see for yourself,” came Betsy’s cutting but fun loving reply. Betsy’s been working in the kitchen for years and she’s a tough Aussie who doesn’t put up with any nonsense – especially from some young whippersnapper Yank asking stupid questions!
It was at this moment that I starting getting up the courage to have a bit of fun with Betsy. I feel comfortable with her. I thought I could get away it. Yes, I decided to have a go at her in a nice way; hopefully she’d take it that way and all would be fine.
So, I walked to the end of food serving line; right in front of the cash registers. I then signaled Betsy to come over in a way that says, “I have a secret to tell you.”
Then, with Betsy behind one of the cash registers, I leaned forward slightly, cupped my hand over my mouth so only she could see my lips and I whispered loudly,
“Betsy, I’ve been in town for a while now so you can knock off the phony Australian accent.”
Betsy looked at me with dismay. She yelled out with her thick, authentic, true blue Aussie accent, “Hey, Margret – Come here. Sean says we can knock off our phony Australian accents! Can you believe he said that?”
Margret came running over and jumped into the fray, “Phony Australian accents? What about your phony bloody American accent. Worst accent I’ve ever heard. When are you going to start speaking normal like us?”
I started laughing and they started laughing. I laughed with my foreign American accent; they laughed like true Aussies!
I finally got my coffee and left the cafeteria – surprisingly unhurt!
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Kindle version comes out on 23 Jun 2015; print copy available now.
