Uh-Oh! A Non-Smoker in the Smoking Area

I’m in the process of writing my second book.  The current title is, “Yanks in the Outback.”  Secondary title, “Gulf War Diary, Feb 1990 – Apr 1991.”  It’s a fictional story based on my real life experience when stationed in Woomera, South Australia with the US Air Force.

It’s in diary format for several reasons.  First, I did keep a diary and I’m using some of the entries.  Second, it’s much easier to write that way … I feel more free to express myself.

I’m in the process of editing and reviewing it now and came across this particular entry that I’d like to share.  It all started when I – a non-smoker – decided to head out to the smoking area …

Smoking Area Incident
17 May 1990: Thursday

I went somewhere today that I’ve never been before. A place reserved for special people. I am not a special person and the folks in the “special” area let me know it.

What is this special place?

None other than the designated smoking area!

Why did I go there?

Glad you asked.

I was having a conversation with SSgt Myers about some technical issue – I forget what it was – and he interrupted the conversation and said he had to go outside for a smoke.

I was going to suggest we meet in 15 minutes and then on further consideration I thought, “Hey, why don’t I just go with him to the smoking area and talk with him there?”

I thought it was a good idea. But, I don’t think SSgt Myers thought much of it. He looked at me a bit strange as I walked by his side down the hallway on our way to the smoking area.

I continued our conversation, asking questions, explaining my situation and he looked at me as if to say, “You do realize I’m going to the smoking area, right?”

He started to lighten up a bit as he responded to my questions and we continued our walk. If I had to hazard a guess as to what he was thinking, I’d suggest, “Hey maybe Lt Mitchell is a smoker. We’ll have a cigarette together.”

SSgt Myers pushed open the door to the smoking area and the two of us entered the scene. The smoking area is simply a concrete ramp on the side entrance of the building. It’s not very big and there’s a railing so people can lean on it and look cool as they smoke. I’d say there were at least 10 people out there smoking.

As I walked onto the concrete ramp all was fine until I stopped next to SSgt Myers – who proceeded to light up a cigarette – and continued our conversation.

It didn’t take long for me to notice I was the only person talking in the smoking area. Everyone else went silent. Then I noticed SSgt Myers attention drifting as he could sense the mood change and the penetrating stares from his fellow smokers.

Smokers know who the smokers are; they know I’m not a smoker. Their silence was so loud, I could almost hear them shouting, “Why is this non-smoker invading our space? What’s he doing out here? He doesn’t belong.”

I started thinking fast. What do I say? Is there anything I can do to diffuse this tense moment; this pregnant silence?

Then, I went into acting mode. I decided to have a bit of fun with this silly situation.

“Excuse me! Excuse me everyone!” I called out to get their attention as I waived my hands out wide like a circus show announcer.

The mood became even more intense as I felt the collective response of my smoking audience. They seemed to be saying, “Oh my God, now the non-smoker is going to talk! He’s going to tell us the hazards of smoking. He’s going to give us a lecture on lung cancer. Get him out of here – NOW!”

Then very slowly and deliberately I asked my silent and stunned audience a simple question …

“Does anyone here mind if I …. DON’T SMOKE?”

It worked. They all started laughing and I was accepted as an honorary smoker.

I continued my conversation with SSgt Myers and the other smokers went back to their animated conversations.