Need an excuse for missing work? Here’s one.
NOTE: I’m writing the follow-up to my current book, ‘The Adventures of an Air Force Medic.’ My ‘work in progress’ answers the question, ‘What crazy adventure does Sean Mitchell (main character) get up to next?’ This article is a snippet from my first draft.
Setting: Ohio State campus, circa 1985. I’m on an active duty air force engineering scholarship; going to school is my ‘job.’ My co-scholarship buddy Len (not his real name) missed school the day before and gave this cockamamie explanation for why.
Don’t want to risk it!
Tuesday morning at the coffee table gathering place, I had a pressing question for Len. You see, he didn’t turn up for school the day before; had me worried so I asked, “OK Mr. Robello, where were you yesterday? What happened, you had me worried?”
Len’s not ordinary. He doesn’t do ordinary. He’s creative. He keep things interesting, no boring stuff. And, his response that morning delivered, he gave the best excuse I’ve ever heard for why he didn’t show up. I’ll let you hear it from Len, here’s what he told me:
“Tell you what, I got up yesterday morning and realized it’s Monday. I had this awful thought, a crazy vision. I pictured getting up, getting dressed, then dragging my ass into my Volkswagen, making the twenty mile drive to school. I pictured myself behind the steering wheel, drinking a cup of coffee, smoking a cigarette, reading the newspaper – all at the same time; my normal routine – while inhaling exhaust fumes as my dilapidated junk box dodges I-70 traffic. The vision ended when I arrived on campus and pulled into an empty parking lot. A lonely straggler walks past and I ask, ‘Where is everyone?’ The straggler replies, ‘It’s a public holiday, no school today.’ Well, that’s the part of the vision that finished me off, ‘public holiday? No school? You mean I could have slept in? I drove all this way for nothing? AAAHHH!’ I got shivers thinking about it, almost gave me a heart attack. Who knows, if it happened for real, might kill me! So I made a decision – don’t want to risk it, better stay home.”
That’s Len. He viewed the world from a different lens. Made for great entertainment. All of us around the picnic table hung onto his every word and when he finished his ‘excuse’ speech, laughter and callouts followed, ‘That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard! How long did it take you to come up with that one Len? Good one Len, I’ll have to use it sometime. Where do you come up with this stuff Len? Completely nuts, but wish I thought of it!”
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
